My hair is both naturally and absolutely straight, which has earned me the resentment of many fellow females who have to condition/treatment/blowdry their own hair into submission. Whatever. All it means for me is that I have never been overly concerned with affairs of the hair. I wash it when it’s dirty, brush it when it’s knotted, and get the occasional cut to keep it neat.
Back when this story begins, approximately six years ago when my hair was still waist-length, I cared even less – I didn’t even bother cutting it. When buying shampoo and conditioner my choice was based on a combination of value for money and smell. I’ve never bothered choosing based on their supposed attributes because fuck it, they’re all the same, really.
Until one day when, after trying out a new flavour of shampoo/conditioner, I noticed that my hair was really soft. Fantastically soft. It was sensously, mind-blowingly soft. I made people touch it, “feel how soft my hair is!”, and they agreed. I swore that I had found the shampoo/conditioner combo for me and that I would never look back. I’m sure you know where this is going so I won’t bother building up to it: they stopped fucking making it. Presumably, because I managed to get through two bottles and was then unable to find it again.
Fast forward to present time.
Earlier this week, with a strange sense of deja vu, I picked out a new shampoo/conditioner combo. I based it on price (on sale!), smell (not bad), and the vague sense that this might be somewhat similar to the magical grooming product of my past. This shampoo and conditioner is Sunsilk’s “Addictive Brilliant Shine” with pearl extract, and it’s back, by god, it’s fucking back.
For the past 33 1/2 hours I have not been able to stop running my fingers through my hair. I told my sister about it over the phone. I stood up in the office and announced it to my co-workers. I emailed a friend and told her the story, and she replied with:
“That stuff’s back again?? :-D”
It’s that good.
I cannot stop touching it. I want to go out and pick up men so that they can touch it too, and its softness will not be wasted. I have been orchestrating a thousand stumbles in my mind with the plan of falling into my crush’s arms/lap/third thing, and when he feels how soft my hair is he will requite my attraction with his own. This idea has so consumed me that it made its way into my dreams last night, except that instead of my trying to “accidentally” fall into his arms, I was trying to “accidentally” pour a can of blue paint over my mother’s head.
Take no offense, mum, you know how it is with dreams.
Anyway, I very simply and very truly love this shampoo and conditioner.
(because it needs to be punished for all the time it spent off the shelves)